A Eunuch's Love Life

The more personally intimate blog of the love life of an androgynous but not sexless eunuch in this post-modern world

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Choices

I'm not impressed; NO one has tried to talk me out of taking hormones, no one suggests that it's possible that some nice guy will find me sexually attractive as I am. That sucks with teeth, man.

But they're right; while there may be a small percentage of guys who feel about my body along the same lines that I do, it's such an astronomically small number that my odds of meeting one in the next century are pretty poor.

Still, that doesn't make me unsexy, it just means I have limited appeal.

And I'm about to increase that limit by a similarly astronomic factor.

But the heart has gone out of going out for me. For the next few months, while, ironically, my actual sexual attraction factor will be soaring with the implementation of secondary sexual characteristics, my sexual self esteem is starting from an all-time low, with the realisation of how improbable it is that without secondary sexual characteristics (as I am) I could ever elicit the same response I have for the secondary sexual characteristics of guys.

Still, I get points for perserverance, and for being willing to do whatever it takes to get whatever is really important to me, and for acknowledging what is important to me and even for weighing how important it is against what I am losing.

I hope that's just a degree of androgyny, and not for long the current loss of peace of mind. I suddenly realise I am invisible in the sexual world of men and women. That's yuck.

Not screamingly horrific like the terror of a life without prospect of love for me, just yuck like cough medicine.

But friends are invited to humour me, and lie to me in a week or so saying they can see how much prettier I look already ; )

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home