A Eunuch's Love Life

The more personally intimate blog of the love life of an androgynous but not sexless eunuch in this post-modern world

Friday, March 17, 2006

Femme we go again

"I am beaten; I'm going on hormones. "

That's an unuseful ego talking.

"I've learned from my mistake, and I'm fixing it. "

That's a better way of putting it.

I am already grieving the end of my androgynous body, but of course it is not dying or even sloughing, but simply being changed.

How ironic that the Bhuddist/Hindu meditator should be so attached to a state of being. But I think I have to choose between being a special sex-hormone-free eunuch, and being sexually attractive enough to attract a man (through developing secondary sexual characteristics, including all the actual chemistry that is between other adult people).

And I could stand it if my breast filled out a little, and I'd welcome a bit of fat on my recently bony ass and thighs. All I have to do is accept this decision and I can see some good things about it. (Other than just saving my life by putting me back in the game, I mean.)

Doctors will be consulted, prescriptions issued, hormones purchased and installed (or however they are adminstered these days) and my androgynous form will become feminised, and one day I will be woman enough to attract a man. Time to grow up, I guess.



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