Femme we go again
That's an unuseful ego talking.
"I've learned from my mistake, and I'm fixing it. "
That's a better way of putting it.
I am already grieving the end of my androgynous body, but of course it is not dying or even sloughing, but simply being changed.
How ironic that the Bhuddist/Hindu meditator should be so attached to a state of being. But I think I have to choose between being a special sex-hormone-free eunuch, and being sexually attractive enough to attract a man (through developing secondary sexual characteristics, including all the actual chemistry that is between other adult people).
And I could stand it if my breast filled out a little, and I'd welcome a bit of fat on my recently bony ass and thighs. All I have to do is accept this decision and I can see some good things about it. (Other than just saving my life by putting me back in the game, I mean.)
Doctors will be consulted, prescriptions issued, hormones purchased and installed (or however they are adminstered these days) and my androgynous form will become feminised, and one day I will be woman enough to attract a man. Time to grow up, I guess.