A Eunuch's Love Life

The more personally intimate blog of the love life of an androgynous but not sexless eunuch in this post-modern world

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Right of Reply

I just watched my naked body in the mirror, and I think it's okay, it's sexy. What is WRONG with you guys???

I started off a little suspiciously, noticing the lack of secondary sexual characteristics, being critical and wondering if itwas normal for my chest to be so curved from a front view. Then I figured I was being hypercritical, and acknowledged that I didn't look so bad, and could even see that I was fanciable, but I just didn't compete well against someone with a similarly healthy human body but who also had....Special Features to that body! Men and women have "special features" on me.. well, I might have a special feature too, I thought, for just then my core muscles engaged and animated my form like a tantric yogini with flowing abdomenal ripples and the dance of Shiva in my spine.

So, that' s what I'm going to be today. I'm miles away from being sexually attractive as a woman, so in the meantime, androgynous dancer is all I got. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and I think everything is right with it, and I don't like the idea of changing it... but I understand why I have to change it, and I will change it, I promise...

No, bullshit, this is my Right of Reply, and I do NOT promise to change my body, I am the part of me that loves my body absolutely as it is, and I want to keep its beautiful sexy androgyny, the whole physical form animated by my dancing soul, exactly as lithe and boyish and effeminate and completely womanly as it is.

Time for my morning exercises now (ten minutes for the Tibetan Rites, go on, google them and do them, you won't be disappointed... oh hang on, what do I know? I'm supposed to be the one with crap unsexually attractive body aren't I? ["Unsexually attractive" I'll save that phrase for later cogitation...] Well, whatever,

NO, I don't have to talk myself back around before I finish this post. This is the Right of Reply, since no one else will speak up for my body as it is. Unsexually attractive.. well, maybe that is what I am, and maybe that can work too, being attractive because of my relative lack of sexual differentiation.

And, fuckin', what's fuckin' unsexual about it? Fuckin' look at it! There's certainly nothing unattractive about it!

Except for the opinions of others.

[Sit's back in head. thinks: this could be an interesting morning. never a dull moment in this head.] [slight break for Tibtan Rites, and eye exercises in half shoulderstand]

Why should I give up the smell of me for the smell of them (men)? There would be nothing left to love... If I give up the things I love about my body in order to get loved, how much of a loving person have I left myself?

I'm not just gaining a womanly body if I go on hormones, I lose the smell of ME. So maybe no one else likes it, I like it.

And I don't want boobs in my face when I'm doing a shoulderstand. I love my body as it is. And my love is a litte angry that you would dare contemplate diminishing it for the sake of the opinions of others....

Time for the shower then...


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