A Eunuch's Love Life

The more personally intimate blog of the love life of an androgynous but not sexless eunuch in this post-modern world

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Four Seasons in One Day

I woke up sad and cried for half an hour, thrashing around in a fetal position, crying for being physically unloved, unable to think of any way to change this situation, aware that I've already tried far more than most, unable to accept celibacy, unable to find acceptance of my situation.

After plowing through some tedious beaurocracy at the office, I sat in the sun for a cigarette break, and cried as I realised how much my skin needed to feel love, which it felt in the warm sunlight. I needed to feel physically loved today, I could function not one moment without being in pursuit of this, so I excused myself from an appoinment this afternoon, and went directly to the beach.

The clouds were already coming in by the time I got to the beach, but it was warm enough to last through the shadow, and elementally pleasant in the warm sunlight. I abandoned all modesty and did a few yoga poses to expose my perineum to the loving sun. Mmmmm.

It was cold and raining by the time I got home, and hailing shorty after!

The sun was nice, but I still feel in need of physical nurturing, so I've just filled a bath.

I'm doing a cruising course at ACON tomorrow. Maybe I can learn how to do it right. Maybe that's just the problem. Maybe it's not that no man I want wants me. Maybe that's just been true so far, and could change at any moment.

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