Hit and Miss
In the end, if they are normal guys, gay or straight or bisexual, they are not interested. If they are sexually aroused by novelty, then they may well be interested in me, and in swapping bestiality porn on the internet. Fuck, truly, I WISH I was making this up.
Anyway, we had homework from the Cruising Workshop, ie to try out a free pass to a SOPV, namely 357. I used mine at lunchtime today. And using all the skills I learned, I made passes, got ignored, showed interest, got ignored, took time out, went back to it, got snubbed, felt uncomfortable, got dizzy from the ubiquitous stench of Amyl, got sick of chlorine, wished there was a safe space to breath, sat in the spa for ten minutes (while all the guys sitting there left within five minutes), stood in the steam sauna for five minutes (and all the guys there left) fuck this is a really shit story why am I even comtemplating going back tonight to use my passout it’s just wrong wrong wrong and makes me feel overwhelmingly sad and I can’t stop crying and I wonder if this is really better than giving up and staying home and adjusting to being single and unfuckable for the rest of this life. Which might not last much longer than it takes to end it.
Internet dating a total waste of time, on straight sites, gay sitea and bi sites. Plenty want to flirt and chat, no one wants to actually meet me. I‘ve put a good two months of effort and sent about a hundred messages, so I really have given this a fair go, I reckon.
All that’s missing in my life is sex. Surely that should be bearable. But I just can’t accept this, and I can‘t change it, and maybe my work here is done, and maybe there’s a miracle around the corner. Or a bus. Ha ha.