A Eunuch's Love Life

The more personally intimate blog of the love life of an androgynous but not sexless eunuch in this post-modern world

Monday, July 31, 2006

Up Against the Sex Police

About six months ago, I went to the Pleasure Chest 177 George St Sydney to check out the Cruising Lounge and maybe meet some nice man who liked me enough for a little mutually pleasurable intimacy. However, when I enquired at the desk about how to gain entry to the Crusing Lounge, I was told it was for men only. I had used up all my courage getting up the stairs, and faced with this non-sequitor, I simply turned around and left.

Yesterday I was talking with a transgendered friend who said a transgendered friend had been blocked from using King Steam, another sex on premises venue. I resolved to go to the Cruise Lounge that night, with the same intention I had six months previous, but this time with a friend for moral support, and determined to not allow my rights to be violated in breach of the Anti Discrimination Act of NSW.

As previous, when I asked to be allowed to access the Cruise Lounge, the staff member at the desk told me it was a Men’s Cruise Lounge, and said I was not allowed in. I explained that this was a breach of the Anti Discrimination Act, and explained that the Act prevents unfavourable treatment on the basis of sex or presumed transgender status. The staff member asked me what sex I was. To my later regret, and in breach of my right to privacy and dignity, I explained myself as best I could, as an androgynous person without a penis and without any female secondary sexual characterstics. He called his manager, who I spoke to on the phone, and who refused me access, and said he would call the police unless I left. I told the manager on the phone that I had no intention of leaving until I had done what I came to do, that is, visit the Cruise Lounge.

The staff member told me that the manager was coming to talk with me, and asked me to wait, and refused to allow me into the cruise Lounge, despite my clearly informing him of the Act he was in breach of, and pointing out that “following orders” is not a legal excuse for practicing discrimination and sexuality based persecution. I even pointed out the 1996 Amendment to the Anti Discrimination Act to include actual or presumed transgender status.

It took about half an hour for the manager to finally turn up, after I was repeatedly told he would be there in “a few minutes” The staff member told me that this was because of cross-city traffic. I suspect this was complete lie to disguise the fact that the cowardly manager was waiting for armed gunmen to turn up in to deal with the apparently dangerous sex criminal that he sees me as, a non-man seeking to violate his precious gay men’s space. I reach this conclusion on the basis that the manager turned up in the company of three fire-armed police, and his complaining to the police and me that if he let me in there it would all be spoiled with women seeking to have sex with gay men, as if it is possible that every man using his facility shares the same sexuality and identity of sexuality as him, or that the agenda of women or other deemed non-men accessing this lounge was not simply to have discreet sex with men, whether or not these men may be identified as gay or married or whatever may be the case in the outside world

The Anti-Discrimination Act seemed like news to the police, but after a lengthy period, they said they would have to check with the Licensing Police, which would not be before the next morning. I asked if they were going to assist the manager in continuing to breach my rights under the Anti Dsicrimination Act in blocking my access to the Cruise Lounge. They wanted me to leave, but when I insisted that my intention was to stay until I was allowed to do what I came for, they asked me to wait longer while they consulted. After another lengthy period of time, or so it seemed for me sitting on the floor of a sex shop surrounded by three uninformed people with firearms, while the men I wanted to meet went into and out of the Cruise Lounge. I was detained for over a hour and treated most unfavourably because of the assumption that I am not a man.

I suspect this is a systemic problem, with staff and managers of gay-targetted sex on premised venues breaching the Anti-Discrimination Act by holding the services to be for men only, without having an exemption under the Act to so.

I want this practice changed, so that there is no breach of the Act in sex on premises venues, even those specifically marketing to the gay community, for it is not fair to bar transgender people and others of sex or gender diversity from the same social opportunities as other people. I would certainly urge the Anti Discrimination Board to oppose any request to be granted exemptions under the Act to allow sex on premises venues to harass and humiliate and bar people of unusual gender appearance, transgender people, intersex people, and other people of sex or gender diversity. We are part of the human community.

(I was eventually granted access to the premises on a temporary basis last night, until the manager can check his legal rights. However, this did not compensate me for the time spent waiting, and the humiliation of being unfavourably treated because of my sex or actual or presumed transgender status, including the humiliation of being asked to explain my anatomical sex.)

This is now the subject of a complaint to the Anti-Discrimination Board.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Shiniest Before Sunrise

One month into the Sixth Tibetan rite. Free of sexual angst the first two weeks, but the romantic anxiety slowly returned when I was at a conference with some sexy boys. Still, the rites, topped off with the Sixth, have given me confidence in my abdominal shape (ie it doesn't seem so fat and old and bloated and generally repulsive as often as it used to), though I think I strain myself sometimes trying to hold sexy poses and not relax into the fat forty five year old dickless old man I am.

I know, I'm a godling, a divinely sexy androgyne, but whenever boys get romanticly close I am fearful of all the times a boy threatened to hit me because I hadn't said I wasn't a real girl or boy, and I am nervous trying to work out how to be attractive while making sure they have the information they need to give informed consent to my attentions. But after all, mostly they didn't threaten violence, mostly they were just lousy lovers (and I'm sorry if any exes are reading this but did any of you volunteer to lick my cunt? No, you just saw the boy you thought I looked like, and never actually related to my body as it is, and certainly never wanted or desired the voracious female core of me.) So I should just take a chance they could be different, make sure I'm dressed in a way that no one can accuse me of hiding anything, and if a boy throws himself my way, catch him, instead of looking for the catch.

Last night I was at the Newtown, a gay hotel, with my best friend, playing pool, figuring there weren't any available attractive guys, then working out the two guys (a butch looking bloke and a twink) I'd noticed might not be a couple, then at the end of the night I heard boys whistling in my direction, and it turned out they were whistling at me. "My friend likes you", said the butch looking bloke, apparently not in a couple. I tried to engage with him and his mates, but it was all too frantic, a last minute pick up rush, he asked me if I smoked choof, and I asked if he thought it was okay to smoke here at the pub, and only when I got home I realised he was trying to invite me home "for a smoke" (D-Oh!) , I was flustered, expecially then when the twink came up and kissed me (!!!!!) and I thought I'd be surprised if he wouldn't faint if he saw a cunt, but he was the one I knew I fancied without question, and I twisted in my head wondering why I am so attracted to the inappropriate ones, and so I fled to the loo, and when I got back, Twink was tongue kissing my best friend, and the butch looking bloke was taking his leave with his mates. There was no one left for me, as usual, as always [no, don't put forever on it, it's just now, it's just for now, not always, don't have a drama, don't spoil snogging friend's night], so I said goodbye to my friend (after he managed to pry Twink off his tonsils for a second) and went home, trying to think of the fact that there were guys who thought I was attractive, and not focus on the fact I fouled it all up with a moment of hesistation.

I told myelf that next time when attractive guys flirt with me I'll tell myself I'm magic, that's what my gender/sex is, and I don't need to be frightened of people rejecting it, and this is less likely to happen if my attitude is positive instead of fearful.

I mean, guys, not unattractive gay guys, were whistling at me, and one of them said I was gorgeous, and a gorgeous twink kissed me. The sun's not up for me yet, but you know how they say it's always darkest before dawn? Well, I've done that bit, and now I'm thinking how it's also shinier and shinier as sunrise approaches. Well, sunrise must be approaching; things are looking shinier.

I'm going out this lunchtime to buy some more sexy clothes from the slutty stall run by Vietnamese folk in a corner of Paddy's markets, and dance up a storm at Club 77 tonight, and not run when guys approach me, and not panic, and hopefully it won't be an all or nothing last minute rush where I'm expected to make instant and good decisions about a group of strangers.

But I'm also becoming more okay with fancying the sort of guys I fancy. Maybe I'm crazy for liking androgyny, when sexually I need a fellow who is happy to just do the man's part in that part of the proceedings, and I'm certainly out of my league in fancying guys I'm well old enough to be the parent of, but fuck it, I'm in league of my own, or rather, I'm in the special league of those who see there is nothing separating them from the pinnacle, or the nadir, but a trick of the mind.

Let me marvel at the shiny things emerging from the dark. Let me put the cold night behind me. Let that sun come up warm...