A Eunuch's Love Life

The more personally intimate blog of the love life of an androgynous but not sexless eunuch in this post-modern world

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Four Seasons in One Day

I woke up sad and cried for half an hour, thrashing around in a fetal position, crying for being physically unloved, unable to think of any way to change this situation, aware that I've already tried far more than most, unable to accept celibacy, unable to find acceptance of my situation.

After plowing through some tedious beaurocracy at the office, I sat in the sun for a cigarette break, and cried as I realised how much my skin needed to feel love, which it felt in the warm sunlight. I needed to feel physically loved today, I could function not one moment without being in pursuit of this, so I excused myself from an appoinment this afternoon, and went directly to the beach.

The clouds were already coming in by the time I got to the beach, but it was warm enough to last through the shadow, and elementally pleasant in the warm sunlight. I abandoned all modesty and did a few yoga poses to expose my perineum to the loving sun. Mmmmm.

It was cold and raining by the time I got home, and hailing shorty after!

The sun was nice, but I still feel in need of physical nurturing, so I've just filled a bath.

I'm doing a cruising course at ACON tomorrow. Maybe I can learn how to do it right. Maybe that's just the problem. Maybe it's not that no man I want wants me. Maybe that's just been true so far, and could change at any moment.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

no shit for me please, thank you very much all the same

So, after braving the intimidation of the staff, manager and armed police, to establish beyond a doubt that I had the right to enter cruising spaces no matter what my gender or sex, I've established that the Pleasure Chest is not at all my personal cup of tea.

I went there again last Sunday afternoon, and started feeling uncomfortable straight away. I think there are many different agendas we classify as "sex", but they are not necessarily very similar or compatible. It seems that most guys are there for physical release only, and want to avoid any kind of emotional or intellectual engagement, and I at least need to feel that I am liked by my sex partner if I am to enjoy sexual arrousal.

The porn screen showed a girl being screwed by a muscley stud, with the camera taking his point of view entirely. All well and good, I like the guys getting into that mind set, cos that's what I want to be on the other end of thank you. Then he whips it out of her muff and up the coit. Anal sex, fine, I'm no prude there, having used that aperture before my vagina was excavated. But then they go straight from anal to fellatio YUUUK! No condom, no wash, she's just there to serve his pleasure, and it's not even a consideration that he is making her eat shit, because her health, pleasure, desire, independent will or human dignity are just not in existence at all in the world on the screen or the atmosphere this porn creates.

That's the exact sort of man I want to avoid being naked or vulnerable with, or at all close to, that is, a guy so focussed entirely on his own pleasure that his partner's health or safety may be easily compromised, unless she is focussed every moment on protecting herself from his thoughtlessness backed up by the strength of sexual arousal, poking his rough dirty fingernails where he's been told specifically they can't go, grabbing roughly, and generally acting more like he's trying to win a wresting match or prove his physical domination than engage in anything you could call making love.

I mean, I'm not planning on a four course wedding party at these places, just someone who'll engage in pleasurable, not painful or physically disgusting, intimate contact, and who'll like me for the time we are together, and be considerate of me as human being like himself. Not anyone who expects me to eat shit from their dick. Dick yes, Shit no. Thanks very much all the same, but no, thanks.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Sex-on-premises venue accused of discrimination

This post is also being posted on my other blog, as it is appropriate to both, being about my love life (this blog), and my public/political life (that blog), for the two intersect when the police are called and the law is broken by those who want to keep androgyny or gender ambiguity away from their preciously gendered spaces.

from http://www.evolutionpublishing.com.au/sxnews/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=682&Itemid=41

This week's SX news weekly (Sydney gay paper)

Thursday, 03 August 2006
Sex-on-premises venue accused of discrimination
Transgender activist Norrie May-Welby (pictured) has lodged a complaint with the Anti-Discrimination Board of NSW (ADB) against sex-on-premises club The Pleasure Chest on George Street in the city after s/he was refused entry to the venue’s cruise lounge on the grounds she was “not a man”.

Police were called to the scene on Sunday after May-Welby, who identifies as “androgynous, not a man, not a woman, a man and a woman”, refused to leave the premises.

“A staff member told me [the cruise lounge] is a men-only area,” May-Welby told SX. “I told him this was a breach of the Anti-Discrimination Act of NSW. He wouldn’t let me in and asked if I would leave. I said I was not leaving. The staff member called the manager, who turned up after about an hour with three armed police.”

After discussion with police officers, May-Welby was eventually admitted to the cruise lounge. “The police pressured the manager to let me in,” May-Welby said. “I told them the law is being broken every minute I’m not allowed in there; it’s being broken every second I’m being treated differently to anyone who’s not considered a man.” [Blog editorial note: that sentence works better if the "not" is dropped]

Under NSW law, a venue must gain an exemption from the ADB if it wishes to operate a single-sex policy. May-Welby said s/he expects The Pleasure Chest, which currently does not have such an exemption, to apply for one, but urged the GLBTI community and the ADB to oppose this. “Trannies should be allowed to go somewhere too,” s/he said. “Who’s got the right to decide what I am?”

A spokesperson for The Pleasure Chest told SX it was investigating the matter at press time.