A Eunuch's Love Life

The more personally intimate blog of the love life of an androgynous but not sexless eunuch in this post-modern world

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Whatever

Last night, after spending an hour naked with me, my customer asked me if I'm a man or a woman. I told him I'd had a sex change, but he still wanted to know if he'd just had sex with a man or a woman. I told him it makes no diff to me whether one says I have a prostate or a G-spot, and he could choose what sex he thought I was, if it really needed to be one or the other. Whatever.

I more or less see myself as a boy with a replicunt, but I have to deal with a society that has other ideas about what a boy is and isn't, and apparently I have been unmanned, for recently I was booted off Manhunt (an internet dating site for men) for allegedly being a woman and "therefor" (presumptiously) not a man.

When I had my boy bits, all of me was a boy, not just the boy bits. Losing them changed not my history, my brain, my XY chromosones, my skeletal structure, my adam's apple, my voice, or even my facial hair (although admittedly it did slow down my beard growth, but it did not remove it entirely).

I do share a lot with that group of people in our world treated badly for being women, and I also identify with that, but I also recognise my identification with feminity preceded me identifying as transsexual, for before that I was a girly boy, which is still a kind of boy.

I went with Best Friend and his boyfriend to a public swimming pool today, and used the male showers with them, because not having bulges in my chest or groin means I can cop flak from the gender police in either changeroom, and I'd rather be with my friends. Sadly, I felt uncomfortable about taking my bathers off in the shower (and therefor looking different and disrupting the atmosphere charged with male sexuality), and about leaving them on (and therefor looking different and feeling like a freak). I wish I'd had the cajones to just take them off, and assert my right to wash like anyone else, even if I don't fit the gender binary.

I pray that next time I will be braver about being true to my own truth and ignoring society's gender binary assumptions.

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1 Comments:

  • At 6:58 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    how can manhunt boot you off and yet not boot off an FTM who has Female on hys birth certificate? Sounds like they pick and choose..

     

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